Get Out Movie Review from a black dude's perspective...

Yo! Wassup everybody! So I just watched this bootleg called Keeping Up With The Kardashians the movie I mean Get Out, better known, in the hood as, N**** Leave, Oh Hell Nah, or Why Is You Still There. I want to talk about it but more importantly, I want to go over a few early moments in the film where this n**** shoulda been left. 

If you have not seen the movie STOP READING!!! Go see it and come back!

First off lets talk about the real star of the movie. 

Sometimes you got snakes in yo circle so you can't trust n****s. Sometimes you got that A1 homie that got yo back no matter what... This is that dude. He's the real MVP. If you got a homie like this, keep him, and listen to that n**** 100. My mans here tried to warn dude over and over but no, pussy done blinded the n**** into driving into the forest and meeting some white chicks family after four months of dating. You don't even meet black parents until at least 6 months to a year. That time automatically doubles when meeting bringing home a black dude to a white, asian, or hispanic home. For anyone confused about this Black Man's dating rule, this only applies to dark-skinned brothas. Black girls and light-skins, you can bring them home any time. The family will be proud. Dark Skinned brothas gotta wait.

He's ok...

He's gotta wait...

Why? Oh Dear! That's another discussion for another day. But the point is, this n**** shoulda known better. But what did he do?

Yeah... So this brings us to three important points in the film. One, they are laughing and giggling but they are about to hit Bambi. I'm super paranoid so that was my first turn the FxCK around moment. But cool whatever, white people kill deer like their roaches or something so no big deal right? 

But then this happens:

When you weren't even driving and cops start fxckin with you like this, time to turn around. But her pxssy was so amazing that he just had to go through with it.

Finally, and most importantly, if i'm rolling wit a white chick she gotta be ride or die and good in the hood. This aint that chick. 

This is that chick...

We can even get used to this chick...

But her... cmon bro... Look at this crazy lady!!! 

Didn't Beyonce warn us about these hoes on numerous occasions. She did a whole movie about this bro!!!

But nooooooo!!! This n**** had to learn the hard way! Cool. So anyways. They get to the house, meet the parents, and the first thing they wanna talk about is some black shxt. A note to the world, black people don't wanna talk about Obama and Tiger during small talk. We don't care who you voted for, we know Tiger is great, and we don't watch Oprah but she's still awesome. If we do watch sports it's basketball, football, and maybe boxing. This n**** sitting here answering personal questions about his moms, and his smoking, listening to ex-boyfriend stories, and almost got head-locked by the psycho brother. Why does every white family in every show or movie have the crazy brother? Real talk though. Is this the family you'd feel comfortable sleeping two doors down from?

And here is something my wife noticed... These MOFOs been dating for four months. They ain't married. Since when did parents let they kids sleep in the same room, in the same bed in their house after four months of dating? Bruh you better sleep in the car. He shoulda already been uncomfortable when they allowed that shxt to go down. But again, the brotha is still there! 

So anyways God decides to send a message from the heavens warning this n**** to get out this house by making him go outside and get some air. What n**** you know need air at 3 in the damn morning? But this dude does. So he heads outside and meets The Help. 

Yooooo! Why is this big ass negro running wide lefts in the middle of the night while the sista is in the window staring at her reflection, I don't know, but the real question is why is yo ass sleeping in a house where the help is black in 2017? Bro get the keys, grab yo phone, and bounce. 

Or you can end up in this situation...

My first question was, lady why are you even up this late? Then when she invited him to sit down knowing she do that hypnotism shxt. I'm thinking nah lady I gotta go take a piss. But still he sits down, when I woulda stayed standing. Then she starts fxcking with the d@mn teacup. Look. I'm easily irritated by little crap like, nail biting, lip picking, food smacking, pen clicking, beating the shxt out your teacup with your spoon, etc. I woulda been taking a good dump upstairs by now but hey. This is what happens when you wander around strange white people's houses and crazy hours in the night.

Next thing you know, dude is waking up and the funeral looking party guest are arriving. Looks like another grab your keys and go moment to me... But he decides no! I'll just party wit yall and talk about more stuff white people think black people wanna talk about. A few more leavable moments happen after meeting what turns out to be grandma and grandpa but the last chance to bounce with your chest held high came when he met this n****.

After this conversation it was time to go. Dog what is you wearing looking like a fancy slave. And the worst part is that you know this dude! But still he had one more chance to get his stuff and go. One defining moment. And he blew it. When you take a picture of a dude and this happens:

Then the n**** attacks you and begs yo @ss to get out while you can. LEAVE!!!! But nahhhh not this dude. He sits through the intervention after they whipped the homie back in shape and brought him back out to apologize. He even talks to his best friend who warns him that dude in the picture is the homie from back in the day that went missing. He then warns dude that white people be hypnotizing people making um do weird shxt. Didn't Morgan Freeman warn us about this recently?

But none of that was enough. Not till he finds the shoebox fulla pictures of kidnapped n****s, does he realize, oh crap, gotta go. No! Now the movie should be called That's what yo ass gets, or Well too late now.

But from this point on, things get real. Homie realizes he fxcked up big time. He finds out he got bought by the blind dude he was chopping it up with. He finds out the family history. We never get a real good answer about, why black people though? Like seriously If you're rich and white in America, why on earth would you wanna be black, unless you just wanna dunk, run fast, and all that? But finally after an hour of dumb decisions, he decides to smarten up and put some cotton in his ears so home girl momma can't keep tapping her d@mn teacup on him. Then he goes on a Nat Turner rampage killing everybody. N**** coulda left grandma on the road but it's cool he didn't know better. Plus he finally slapped the mess out that teacup so I was satisfied.

The smartest thing he did was flash grandpa with the camera. Now I missed how the hell he got the camera in the first place because ol girl had his phone but whatever, it worked! 

Then in the end his A1 since Day one showed up like a champ!

Now if this was real we all know this dude would get the death penalty for all them fingerprints he left everywhere and all the witnesses that knew he was there but hey at least he went out with a bang and not like this...

Overall, it was a good movie. Only two types of people coulda came up with this crazy mess. The white dude who did this movie:

The Strange Thing About the Johnsons

Or a boogie black dude married to a black chick:

Just kidding guys jeez! I'm not a fan of Key & Peele because I don't find them that funny, but I'm not Aries Spears either. I am happy for the brotha and his success! He took a $4.5 million budget and became the first black man to debut over $100 million. That shxt is epic! especially when the star was Wesley Snipes black! Bravo!

Don't listen to this fool! Celebrate black excellence!

Thanks for reading.


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