Lost Top 5 Favorite Snacks!

Wassup Broduskies and Chicklettes. How y'all felling? Well this list is dedicated to the fat asses like me who love snacks! You know how, at about 1:17 AM Saturday morning, you wake up, take a quick piss, and hobble to the refrigerator with one eye open? You sip the flat Cactus Cooler then open the cabinet like, "I want something, but I don't know what the f#ck I want!" Well, if you keep these 5 joints in stock, I promise you will never have that problem again!

1. Gushers

Man, these little packets of heaven will save yo' life! These the joints momma pop open and throw at you when you start fidgeting too much in church. She'll sneak these dime bags of diabetes in yo' lunch after she beat yo' ass the night before, so you don't go snitching to Miss Johnson. Do yo self a favor and just go to Costco and get you the industrial size instead of that bull shxt 6 pack they be having at the Stater Bros. down the street. 

#2. Starburst Jellybeans
Bro! So have you ever done crack? If not you're in luck! You can just eat these mugs and party all night! Do you believe these chewable narcotic blood sugar bombs are legal for even kids on Easter! I used to fly to Sinoloa and cop 10 kilos of these packs once a week. Man I had to pay Sean Penn to sneak me some back when he flew out there to get El Chapo arrested. F%ck You Sean Penn! Now I have to wait for the next Target Cartwheel so my wife can buy um for 15 cent with 8 coupons!

3. Flamin' Hot Munchies

So maybe you don't want nothing sweet. "We aint never got no damn chips in this house!" Well these little heart stoppers are perfect for your stash. Perfectly named, especially for those living in the Pacific Northwest or Colorado, these delicacies with satisfy every craving. My personal tip. Reach in and eat all the pretzels first then save the rest for later. You will appreciate that one day, trust me!

4. Wonderful Pistachios
First. Let me make one thing clear! WONDERFUL Pistachios! Not that dufflebag full you get at Winco. This brand and this brand only!!! Now this one right here is for you females trying to watch that figure. This is for all you mid life crisis dudes trying to get back in shape because you about to leave your wife for a 19 year old. This is especially for those skinny ass MOFOs who used to be fat but now they're sidewalk nutritionist with Herbalife logos on the back of their Ford Escape windows. They still kinda fatty and salty but if you wanna kiss cheat on your diet instead of no rubber making love behind your diets back, Then this snack is for you!

5. Dulce De Leche Chips Ahoy!
Yooooooo! These right hereeee have got to be the closest taste to Beyonce cookie! Nah they more like a Christina Milian 2003, kinda cookie. No joke! If you looking like I don't want candy, or chips, bring protection and dive into a pack of these joints. These should be sold in a shop with no windows so you can eat them in private booths all to yourself. These deserve their own Snapchat or Instasnap! You wish you got a picture of these in the DM! 

Welp, that's it! Hope you enjoy and throw these on your grocery list!


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